


Fair Game

by skintightsocks



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Drunk Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-27
Updated: 2011-06-27
Packaged: 2017-10-21 16:29:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skintightsocks/pseuds/skintightsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Chris blinks himself awake, everything is fuzzy for a second until his eyes focus and he makes out... chest hair and ugly plaid.  Darren, then. AKA: Extremely belated yet still obligatory 'Chris's 21st birthday' fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fair Game

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song of the same name by The Like. Please don't link our fics to Glee actors!

  
"Okay," Chris says as Ashley shuffles him into... someone's hotel room. He's not sure who the room belongs to, but pretty much the entire tour is packed into it, which is a feat in and of itself. "Okay, we can't get too crazy. We have two shows tomorrow and if I drink anything brown I will be completely useless."

"Sure thing, sweetie," Ashley says as everyone starts to whoop and pop confetti poppers in his general direction. "Now how about a Jack and Diet Coke?"

-

"You're not even drunk," Chris says accusingly as Darren collapses beside him on one of the beds. "No grown man should perform a step-by-step re-enactment of _The Bare Necessities_ when he's not even drunk."

"Chord did it too," Darren says, waving his hand dismissively.

"The jury's still out on if Chord is a grown man or not," Chris says.

"And I _am_ a little drunk," Darren says, "so between us it's like it was one grown, very drunk man performing for you. So it's okay. Plus it was for your _birthday_ , man, come on."

"If it was really for his birthday," Heather says, sprawling out across their legs, "you would have done a striptease. Use your head, Criss." Heather reaches up to tap Darren's head, possibly to let him know which one of them she was talking to.

"There's still time!" Riker calls from across the room. "We have a coordinated routine we can totally enhance with nudity."

"Oh god, tell me you don't," Chris says, looking at Darren with wide, pleading eyes. Chris is tipsy, but he is definitely not drunk enough for naked Disney routines. Probably.

"Whoo!" Dianna calls out, hopping up from next to Amber and heading across the room to where Riker and the other Warbler boys have commandeered the table for poker. "Take it off. Let's _do_ this!" she says as she high-fives Curt and Titus.

-

"Best! Party! _Ever_!" Naya shouts dangerously close to Chris's ear, holding onto his hips as Lea twirls someone's bra over her head nearby. Chris knows it's not hers because her shirt is half-unbuttoned and he can _see_ her bra, but he's not going to ask where it came from. That way lies madness.

"You know what would make it better," Lea says, tossing the bra over her shoulder. It lands on Kevin's head.

"Less alcohol for you?" Chris asks.

"No!" Lea says brightly. "Birthday spankings."

"Oh my god, yes," Dianna says, hopping out of Curt's lap and hurrying over, her eyes wide. "Birthday spankings, Chris. Here, get over my knee."

"I don't know any of you right now," Chris says with a laugh, squirming out of Naya's grasp and hiding behind the nearest person. Who happens to be Cory, so that's convenient. Or it would have been, anyway, if Cory hadn't totally sold him out and reached behind to hold him in place as Lea and Dianna started smacking.

-

" _Lea_ ," Chris grits out later when she slaps his ass, _hard_ , as he bends over to grab a bottle of Diet Coke (because he's pretty sure Mark was lying about using any in the drink he mixed for Chris). "That is like 42 slaps. I'm 21."

"They're to grow on!" Lea pouts at him. She knows Chris can't resist that face. Dammit.

"That is an awful lot of growing."

"I love you so much, Chris," Lea says, wrapping her arms around his neck and cuddling up to his chest. "I just want you to live a long, full life." Chris is almost touched, right up until she uses the opportunity to smack his ass again before darting off, laughing loudly. Chris rolls his eyes and rubs at his ass through his jeans.

He's in the middle of pouring some Diet Coke into his Jack and Jack when he feels someone else smack his ass. He turns around, ready to yell at Lea or maybe Dianna, and finds Jon standing behind him with a huge grin on his face.

"Happy birthday!"

"You just spanked me," Chris says.

"I thought that was a thing we were doing," Jon says, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

"It's not," Chris says as gently as he can.

"Oh," Jon says, sounding sad. "What about piggy back rides? We're still good with piggy back rides, right?"

"Sure," Chris says, patting his arm. He's not going to turn down free piggy back rides. That would just be a waste.

-

"And so then," Mark says, laughing so hard he collapses half into Harry's lap and Harry has to push him back up, "Chris says to the guy, 'Oh, I love bears! I've been a fan since I watched _Gentle Ben_ when I was four!'"

"You did _not_ ," Darren says, choking on air as he pats Chris's back. "Oh, Chris."

"I was 19 and I'd never been to a club, okay," Chris says. "Why is no one judging Mark for taking me to a leather bar?"

"I didn't know it was a leather bar at the time," Mark shrugs. "It was called _The Golden Swallow_ , I thought it was just a club that was really into birds."

"Yeah, or peeing on people," Ashley says, rolling her eyes. "Poor tiny Colfer. Like a babe in the woods."

"One of the bears told him the same thing," Mark says.

"And that right there is why I have never blindly followed you anywhere again," Chris says proudly. "I learn from my mistakes."

"Okay, but you don't know what you're missing, Chris," Mark says. "Disc golf is like a revelation. Ask The Teeth."

"A revelation," Cory says from across from the room, deadpan.

"See?" Mark says happily, taking a swig of beer.

-

"I am so drunk," Chris giggles from Jenna's lap. "I am so drunk, why am I so drunk? I remember saying I didn't want to be drunk."

"You said that," Amber reminds him, "and then you drank a lot of alcohol." She's on the other bed, spooning Mark, who's asleep on Chord's chest. Cuddling is fun. Chris wants to cuddle.

"Hi," Chris says, rolling over and right into Darren's hip. Jenna pats his cheek and gets up to go settle in by Kevin and Chris contemplates spooning Darren's thigh. His pants smell nice and clean and Chris doesn't feel like moving.

"Hi," Darren says, petting at his hair.

"I'm drunk," Chris tells him, and Darren laughs and sets his guitar on the floor, leaning it up against the wall.

"Me too," Darren says. "Well, a little."

"I tried to stop drinking," Chris informs him. "But people kept giving me drinks. It would have been rude to say no. It's my birthday. Weren't you going to take your clothes off because it was my birthday?"

"You vetoed that idea," Darren reminds him.

"And then yelled at me when I tried to make it happen anyway," Dianna grumps from the end of the bed. She's currently hugging Kevin's foot.

"That was before I was drunk," Chris says.

"Well now the party's over," Lea says sadly from between the hotel beds. She's on the floor, and Chris doesn't remember why she's down there, but helping her up seems like too much effort right now. "You ruined my night."

"It's _my_ birthday."

"Don't worry about it," Darren tells him, running his fingers through Chris's hair. "We'll all strip for you later when you're sober enough to appreciate it."

"Excellent plan," Chris says, yawning and squirming around until he's lying on top of about four different people but is mostly comfortable. "I'm just going to nap for, like, a second. And then when I wake up, there will be nudity." Adding booze to his usual post-show exhaustion means he pretty much has no choice but to nap right now, but he's totally going to wake up. And look at some naked people.

-

When Chris blinks himself awake, everything is fuzzy for a second until his eyes focus and he makes out... chest hair and ugly plaid. Darren, then.

"Your shirt has so many colors," he tells Darren's chest.

"Thanks," Darren says, reaching for something and then passing down a bottle of water and two advil to Chris. "Here, you're gonna need these eventually so you might as well start now."

"You're the best person in this room," Chris says happily, swallowing the pills and guzzling half the bottle of water before rubbing his face against the soft cotton of Darren's undershirt - half because it feels good and half just because his mouth is wet from the water.

"I'm the only person in this room," Darren points out, sounding amused. Chris isn't entirely sure if this is Darren's room or not. He knows at one point he was in someone's room, and then there had been shots, and then a lot of other drinks, and possibly spanking, and now he's mostly on Darren himself, which seems like a pretty okay place to be for the moment.

"Where's everyone else?" Chris asks. He should probably sit up, but Darren's comfortable and Chris's head still feels a little dizzy. "And wait, am I on the couch?"

"Well technically you're on me, but yeah. I tried to help you to the door but then you fell on top of me and I was stuck while everyone went back to their rooms, one way or another," Darren says.

"That sound ominous," Chris says around a yawn.

"Nah, I just meant that Cory had to make like three trips to carry people to their rooms and the buses. I think Riker might be in love with him now."

"Riker's in love with everyone," Chris says. "He once told me he was going to write a song about Curt's dimples."

"I've heard that song," Darren shrugs. "It's not bad."

"You would say that," Chris says, wrapping his arms around Darren's waist and squirming close. "But I'll forgive you because you're like a pillow. A big pillow that talks."

"You are still so drunk," Darren laughs, rubbing his hand up and down Chris's back.

"Mmm, just a little," Chris mumbles into Darren's shirt. "Now keep doing that."

"You're a very demanding cuddler, Chris, has anyone ever told you that?" Darren says, but he doesn't stop moving his hand, rubbing it up and down Chris's spine in long, firm strokes. Chris kind of wants to arch up into it, like a cat. He considers purring, just to see if it will freak Darren out, but then Darren strokes up his neck and into the short hair at the back of his head, and oh, wow, _yes_.

"You should do this always," Chris says happily. Darren's scratching a little, his blunt nails dragging across Chris's scalp, and Chris does let himself arch up this time, squirming even closer to Darren.

"You're kind of a touchy-feely drunk, man," Darren tells him, scratching up to the crown of Chris's head and letting his fingers tangle in the longer hair there. He tugs, just a little, and Chris flushes almost immediately, biting back a moan, because _wow_ did that feel good. Maybe it's a side effect of being drunk or maybe Darren just has a magic touch, but he might as well have just started jerking Chris off, for as good as that felt - how did he not know this about himself?

Darren keeps running his fingers through Chris's hair when Chris doesn't respond, stroking through the long hair at the front of his head and brushing it back off of his forehead where it had started to fall before twining his fingers into it and tugging again, just a little. Chris lets out a slight gasp this time - he can't _help_ it - and Darren's hand stills, still gripping tight enough that Chris can feel the pin-prick sensation in his scalp.

Darren swallows loudly, but before he can say anything Chris presses up into Darren's grip, just enough to give the hair some slack, before dropping his head again. Chris gasps again at the feel, tilting his head back against Darren's hand.

"Yeah," Darren says, his voice rough. "Yeah, okay, then," and he brings his other hand up to settle at the small of Chris's back, fingers stroking lightly at his skin where his shirt has ridden up. Darren tugs on his hair again, a little harder this time, and Chris presses his mouth to Darren's shirt to muffle his groan.

Darren smells good, like woodsy soap and just a little like sweat and alcohol, and, well, Chris is already halfway in his lap, panting into his shirt while Darren tugs on his hair, so screw it. Chris lets himself press even closer to Darren, his nose tucked into the hollow of Darren's throat, and he kisses at Darren's chest through his shirt, light and fleeting and just obvious enough for Darren's breath to hitch.

Darren's fingers tighten in Chris's hair and Chris grins, nosing up under Darren's jaw until he tilts his head back a little so Chris can press his lips to Darren's neck. Chris kisses down the column of Darren's throat, wet and firm and kind of sloppy, and then Darren _yanks_ at his hair, pulling him back roughly and arching up under Chris so he can get at his mouth.

It's kind of surreal to be doing this. Chris has kissed Darren in character and then once or twice while they were all drunk and bored because Darren's that kind of guy, but this is different. This is _way_ different. Darren's kissing him rough and deep and for _real_ , sucking at his lips and scraping his teeth over them in his haste, his hand still twisted tight into Chris's hair. Chris moans into the kiss and throws his leg over Darren's lap, straddling him on the sofa.

"Are we doing this?" Chris asks, pulling back with a gasp when Darren's hands grab onto his hips and try to press him down. He rests his hands on Darren's shoulders, steadying himself, and winces a little when Darren grabs at his ass before moving his hands back up to Chris's hips. Okay, so there was definitely spanking earlier, then. Good to know.

"Yes. I mean, fuck, wait," Darren says roughly. "Is this going to be awkward when you're not drunk?"

"I'm not drunk," Chris insists - even though he is - because leave it to Darren to make things complicated.

"Yes you are," Darren laughs, his hands flexing on Chris's hips.

"Okay, yes I am," Chris groans, deliberately rolling his hips down against Darren's and grinning when he feels Darren, hard through his sweatpants. "But it's a good drunk. Stop thinking so much."

"I can probably manage that," Darren says, his voice strained as Chris rubs down against him, and then he's sliding his hands up Chris's back to tangle both of his them in Chris's hair, pulling his head down so Darren can kiss him again.

"You're taking advantage of that," Chris says into his mouth, his voice low.

"Hard not to." Darren tugs pointedly at Chris's hair. "You should see how you look when I do it."

"No mirrors," Chris says sadly, squeezing his thighs around Darren's hips and grinding down as he sinks his own hands into Darren's hair and pulls, hard, just to see the way Darren's face scrunches up and his head tilts back against Chris's hand.

"Jesus," Darren says, his hips bucking up so hard Chris almost falls off his lap.

"Hmm," Chris says. "I concede your point." Darren grins up at him crookedly and slides his hands down Chris's back after letting go of his hair. Chris immediately tugs Darren's head back, leaning in to kiss him deep and a little dirty and then smile against his mouth as Darren bucks his hips up, trying to get friction.

"Come on," Darren groans into his mouth.

"Come on and do what?" Chris asks, still smiling.

"You're a mean tease of a drunk," Darren whines, and Chris nips at his jaw.

"I'm not _that_ drunk anymore," Chris says, and it's mostly true. He still feels a little buzzed, maybe, and he doesn't quite trust himself to walk any straight lines, but mostly he feels turned on, so he leans in and nips at the side of Darren's neck, pressing down when Darren's hips jerk up. So hair pulling and biting both work for Darren, also good to know.

"Take your clothes off," Chris says, climbing off of Darren's lap and tugging his own shirt over his head before wiggling out of his jeans. Darren strips so quickly that Chris almost laughs, but then Darren's grabbing his wrist and tugging him closer, leaning up for his mouth.

Chris's eyes slide shut and he leans down, kissing Darren softly and lingering longer than he means to before dropping to his knees and sucking Darren's cock into his mouth. Darren lets out a noise that's mostly a yelp, his hands flying up to Chris's shoulders.

"Fuck, warn a guy," Darren breathes out shakily.

"Hey Darren, I'm going to suck your dick now," Chris says, pulling off Darren's cock with a smirk. "Unless you'd prefer that I didn't."

"No, no," Darren says quickly. "No, that's cool with me."

"Wonderful," Chris says, rolling his eyes before licking his way up Darren's cock, getting him wet. Darren hisses, his hands dropping hesitantly to Chris's head, and Chris presses back into the touch, letting Darren know that is one of his rare good ideas. Darren's still tentative at first, mostly just stroking at Chris's hair, his hips twitching forward softly, and Chris lets him do that for a minute or so before he decides that Darren isn't catching on quickly enough.

"Come on," Chris says, pulling back with a huff.

"Come on, like... come?" Darren asks, his voice slow and deep and his eyes a little wide.

"No, come on like fuck my face already," Chris says, squeezing at the base of Darren's cock when Darren's eyes go dark and even wider.

"Yeah?" Darren asks, licking his own lips. "Are you--"

"Yes, yes," Chris says. "And I wasn't kidding about the hair pulling thing." He can tell Darren's about to say something else, so he sinks his mouth back down around Darren's cock, keeping his tongue flat and his jaw relaxed and taking more until the head of Darren's cock brushes the back of his throat.

"Jesus," Darren breathes, his hands tightening in Chris's hair. Chris hums a little when he pulls back and waits a few more seconds before pulling off and saying, "Move your hips, Darren," while looking up at Darren from under his eyelashes. It takes Darren a moment to get it, or maybe just for him to get over his own hang-ups, but then he's gripping Chris's hair and rocking his hips forward steadily, his cock sliding in and out of Chris's mouth. It's thrilling in a way that makes Chris's stomach go tight, the way Darren is in control paired with the sharp sting when he tugs hard at Chris's hair, keeping his mouth in place. Chris rests his hands on Darren's thighs and thinks he can feel how tense Darren is like this, all his muscles straining as he jerks his hips forward and fucks into Chris's mouth, and Chris digs his nails into the soft skin a little on accident but mostly on purpose.

"Holy fucking shit," Darren groans, one of his hands still buried in Chris's hair while the other just cups his cheek. "You-- you are so good at this. The best."

"Thank you," Chris says around Darren's cock, only it comes out muffled and the vibrations from the sound must feel pretty great, because it makes Darren jerk his hips forward hard and then apologize a few times while trying to slide his cock even deeper into Chris's mouth. Chris pulls off, laughing and coughing, and jerks Darren off instead because his throat is starting to get sore, reminding him that he hasn't done this in a while. And while he trusts he can recover from deep-throating in time for the shows tomorrow, he doesn't want to push it.

Chris starts giggling into Darren's hip at the thought of explaining to everyone why his voice is rough and Darren tugs at his hair again, making a soft grunting noise. "Why'd you stop? And what's so funny?"

"I was just thinking," Chris says, "about telling everyone about sucking your dick."

"Is that... something you plan to do?" Darren asks, cocking his head. Chris reaches up to brush his palm over the tight muscles of Darren's stomach just to watch them twitch, his thumb tracing the sharp line of Darren's hipbone. He's vaguely aware that Darren's staring at him, his gaze heavy and dark, but Chris is enjoying himself too much to care.

"No, I meant, like, because what if you fucked my throat too hard and someone asked what was wrong with my voice and I said, 'Darren's dick.'" Chris starts to snicker again at the thought.

"Please don't actually do that," Darren says, voice strained.

"Okay, okay," Chris says, nosing back over to the base of Darren's cock and licking. He gets distracted focusing on the way his tongue feels against Darren's skin, and Darren tugs roughly at his hair after a few minutes, groaning. "I'm busy," Chris mumbles against Darren's cock.

"I know," Darren groans. "And I am about to come. Do you want to--"

"Already?" Chris says, and the offended look that flashes over Darren's face makes Chris laugh breathlessly into Darren's hip again until he tugs sharply at Chris's hair, pulling his face back next to Darren's cock. "Oh god, Darren, _sorry_. That wasn't intentional, I swear. But you're coming on yourself, I don't want to swallow."

"You're a classy guy, Colfer," Darren says breathlessly, but then Chris is sinking his mouth back down over Darren's cock and Darren shuts up, hands gripping tightly at Chris's hair. Chris wonders if it would be weird to start jerking himself off, because the hair pulling still feels so _good_ , but then Darren is trying to tug his mouth away, not closer, and Chris takes the hint. He pulls off of Darren's cock with a wet noise and then leans over his lap, jerking Darren off fast and hard until Darren starts to come all over his stomach and Chris's fist. Darren's hips strain up as Chris strokes him through it, and when Darren makes a startled kind of gasping noise when Chris leans in to flick his tongue over the head of Darren's cock, Chris starts to laugh before he can stop himself.

"Oh my god," Darren groans, collapsing back against the sofa and trying to glare at Chris, even though it just comes off pouty and kind of dazed from his orgasm still. "Can you please not laugh at me right now?"

"It's not my fault," Chris says breathlessly. "I'm still a little drunk."

"You're still a little asshole," Darren says, rolling his eyes.

"I'm taller than you," Chris reminds him, stroking over Darren's cock mostly just to be a jerk and grinning when Darren twitches away.

"So's everyone," Darren says, swatting his hand away lazily. Darren's collapsed back against the sofa with his eyes closed, and Chris knows that it would probably be polite to go jerk off in the bathroom but he wants to come _now_ and moving seems like too much effort, so he reaches down and starts to jerk off, closing his eyes and tipping his head against Darren's knee.

"Hey, stop that," Darren says, tugging at Chris's hair.

"No," Chris gasps. "And don't stop _that_ ," because seriously, the hair pulling. Wow.

"Chris--" Darren starts, and Chris groans and squeezes at the base of his cock, looking up at Darren reluctantly. He and his hand had a good thing going.

"You don't get to have a gay freak out after you've already come," Chris says. "That's just rude."

"I'm not having a gay freak out, dumbass," Darren says. "I'm offering to reciprocate."

"Oh," Chris says, squeezing at his cock again. "That's acceptable."

"Get up here," Darren says with a short laugh, tugging at Chris's shoulder. Chris scrambles up, narrowly avoiding kicking Darren in the dick, and Darren grins brightly at him. "Okay," he says, his voice all serious and intense the way it gets when he's arguing a point or talking about Avatar. "I've only done this like five times and you're kind of above average in size, so if I'm not great you can't judge me."

" _Only_ five times?" Chris says incredulously as Darren wiggles around on the couch and leans over his lap. His face flushes a little at the flattering dick size comment but he leaves it alone, because-- no, he's not going there with Darren right now. "I swear to god, you are gayer than-- _fuck_." He can _feel_ Darren grinning around his cock, and it has definitely been way too long since Chris has done this.

"Gayer than fuck," Darren says, pulling off to grin up at Chris. "I'm gonna put that on my resume."

"That's not necessary, trust me," Chris says, and Darren gives him a curious look that Chris pretends not to see in favor of Darren sucking his cock some more, so he grabs at Darren's hair and guides his mouth back down.

Darren hums around Chris's cock and Chris groans, tangling both his hands up in Darren's hair because he's kind of always wanted to and there's no point holding back now when Darren's moving his mouth sloppily over Chris's cock, still making these humming noises like he's really into this and-- seriously, _oh god_.

"Oh god, I wish you were worse at this," Chris gasps out, mostly to himself, but Darren pulls off and raises his eyebrows at Chris. There's spit trailing down his chin and Chris groans again, his hips jerking a little so that his cock slides across Darren's lips, which-- wow, that's a good look for him. Chris is totally going to come any second.

"Wait, what?" Darren rasps.

"I'm going to--" Chris uses his grip in Darren's hair to guide his lips back to Chris's cock, shuddering forward when Darren licks at the head where Chris is sensitive and it feels like too much. "Close, Darren," Chris pants out.

"Oh, cool," is all Darren says before taking Chris back into his mouth, cheeks hollowing as he sucks and his hand working where his mouth can't reach and his eyelashes are just so _long_ , fuck, and Chris is pulling Darren's mouth off his cock just in time to come all over Darren's face.

"Ohhh my god," Chris gasps, slumping back into the couch after he's finished coming, and he wants to close his eyes but Darren is just, like--

"Huh," Darren says, finally letting go of Chris's cock and licking at the come at the corner of his lips. "That's new."

"I am so sorry," Chris says breathlessly, already starting to laugh as he tugs Darren up. Darren's still licking, tongue swiping over his chin and Chris is _not_ thinking about how good Darren looks like this as he reaches for a thankfully unused napkin on the floor and starts to help clean Darren up. "In my defense, I'm still--"

"Drunk, yeah, I got it," Darren says with a grin, and Chris rolls his eyes and licks his thumb so he can rub at Darren's cheek until the worst of it is gone. It's still not sexy at all and Chris definitely doesn't stare at the way Darren's eyes flutter shut so his dark lashes fan out over his cheeks, or the way he leans a little into Chris's hand as Chris strokes his thumb over Darren's flushed cheek.

"You should probably go wash your face," Chris says, surprised how rough his voice comes out.

"Kiss me first," Darren says in a low voice, reaching for Chris's bare hips, and Chris makes a startled noise against Darren's mouth when Darren starts to press him down against the sofa. "What?" Darren mumbles against his lips.

"Nothing," Chris says as Darren kisses down the side of his neck, sucking wet kisses that make Chris's hips arch up against his will.

"This okay?" Darren asks, pulling back. His eyes are dark and his whole face is flushed, a little bit of come still on his jaw, and Chris nods, reaching for the back of Darren's head and pulling him down. It's not as frantic as it was earlier; Darren's kissing him slow and thorough and deep, cupping the back of his head and tilting Chris's mouth where he wants it, their lips moving together easily. It's perfect until Chris's neck starts to cramp up and he pulls away, trying to slide up the couch so he can rest his head on a pillow.

"No, hey, c'mere," Darren says thickly, grabbing at Chris's thigh and trying to hitch up over his hip. Chris is half hard again, and he can feel Darren against his thighs, so he lets Darren tug him back down and roll their hips together, slow and dragging.

"My neck hurts," Chris says, because that seemed important a minute ago.

"I'll make it feel better," Darren says against his jaw, lips parted and eyelashes tickling Chris's skin. "So much better, I'll--" There's a muffled beep from the floor, and it sounds familiar enough that Chris pulls back, blinking a little until his head clears and he realizes-- _oh shit_.

"My phone," he gasps, pushing at Darren's shoulder. "Oh shit, my phone, I haven't checked it all night and my manager's supposed to be sending a revised script over and shit, fuck, where are my pants?"

"What?" Darren asks sadly as Chris scrambles up from the sofa. "No, wait, what?"

"Where are my pants?" Chris repeats, kicking at the pile of clothes on the floor and tossing Darren's underwear across the room with his toes.

"You don't need pants," Darren says, grabbing for his hips. "Pants are entirely unnecessary at this juncture."

"Sweetie, the moment's over," Chris says, finally finding his pants sticking out from the edge of the sofa and fumbling in the pocket for his Blackberry. "Oh fuck," he groans. It's 5:18 A.M. and he has 11 unread messages. "We have to be up in an hour and a half," Chris says, pulling his underwear back on and glancing around until he sees Darren's glasses on one of the bedside tables.

"Are you nearsighted or farsighted?" Chris asks, settling in on the bed and grabbing them. "Never mind, they'll work," he says, putting them on. "Can you go get me a Diet Coke from the vending machine? Or oooh, does this place do early continental breakfasts? Coffee would be amazing."

"So sex is definitely not happening, then?" Darren asks, still sitting on the sofa completely naked and smiling at Chris hopefully.

"It already happened," Chris reminds him. "And I have to approve these script changes ASAP. Now, how about that Diet Coke?"

"You really know how to treat a guy, Colfer," Darren says, batting his eyes and swooning exaggeratedly.

"It was magical," Chris says dryly, tapping out an email to his publicist. "Beautiful. Truly the best moment of my 21 short years."

"I hear that from all the boys," Darren says.

"So I've heard," Chris says, looking up from his phone and raising an eyebrow. "Five blowjobs? Really, Darren? That's kind of a flexible definition of heterosexuality."

"I'm a flexible kind of guy," Darren says, grinning brightly at him before poking at the pile of clothes with his toes. "Where's my underwear?"

"I kicked it at the door," Chris tells him.

"Why'd you do that?" Darren asks, sounding so genuinely affronted that Chris has to bite back a laugh.

"Because they weren't my pants," Chris says simply. "Now seriously, Darren. Diet Coke or coffee. It's my birthday."

"Not anymore, it's not," Darren sighs, pulling on his underwear and then heading back for his pants and t-shirt. "But I'll do it anyway because I'm a gentleman."

"A true class act," Chris says, opening another email. "Make sure you go wash the rest of my come off of your face before you go get my drink, though."

-

Darren comes back 15 minutes later with Diet Coke, coffee, and a hoodie pocket full of creamers and sugar packets in various pastel colors. Chris looks up and smiles as Darren starts dumping them out on the bed.

"Did you rob them?"

"Did you work on your bedside manner while I was getting you coffee?" Darren shoots back with an obnoxiously bright smile, and Chris takes the coffee and a handful of sugars from him.

"Thanks for the advil and water earlier, by the way. I think I'm dealing with this hangover pretty well, all things considered," Chris says as he sips at the coffee.

"Sure, no problem. Is there anything else I can get you, Mr. Colfer, sir?" Darren asks in a funny, high-pitched voice, getting up to put the Diet Coke in the mini-fridge and the leftover sugars and creamers in the empty ice bucket before settling back onto the bed next to Chris. "Bagel? Hot towel? A kidney?"

Chris groans, swatting at Darren's side. "You sound like a demented house elf. And don't joke about a bagel, that actually sounds really good right now."

"Right?" Darren says. "You should've seen the fancy muffins they had. If only I had more hands. Or, like, some kind of tentacle to carry extra things for me. Maybe a prehensile tail. That'd be kind of awesome, if you think about..." Darren trails off as Chris leans into his side, phone and coffee now sitting on the bedside table. "Hey," Darren says softly.

"Sorry about work-mode-Chris earlier," Chris mumbles.

"Uh oh, he's referring to himself in third person already," Darren jokes, and Chris punches his thigh. Possibly harder than he should've from the startled grunt Darren makes, but thankfully Darren doesn't make Chris move where he's leaning his head on Darren's shoulder. Darren still smells good, which is really nice and completely unfair.

"I promise I don't actually think you're my PA or anything. I just kind of have... like, a _lot_ to do."

"No, hey, it's cool, man. I get that. We all get that. Having a 21st birthday in the middle of tour, in the middle of all these huge business deals, that's just-- wow," Darren finishes, moving his arm so he can rub slowly at Chris's lower back. Chris groans gratefully and leans into the touch, and then is suddenly reminded of how he got into this mess to begin with.

"Wait, no, stop seducing me," Chris grumps, sitting back up even though Darren just laughs and keeps his arm around Chris's waist. "We do not have time to have sex again."

"Technically we do," Darren says, flinching when Chris punches his leg again. "Hey, it was-- shit, I don't want to be that guy, but it was okay, right? What we did? This isn't going to get weird and tension-y, right?"

"Well, you're not having a gay freak out right now, so I think we're already doing better than expected. Of course, you're also kind of a slut."

"I thought we agreed on the term flexible," Darren says with a laugh, leaning in and kissing Chris's cheek. Out of everything they've done tonight, _that's_ what ends up making Chris's stomach flutter a little. "You should let me buy you lunch or something later."

"You already got me caffeine," Chris points out, "what more could I ask for? I should be the one buying you lunch since I, you know--"

"Came on my face?"

"I was going to say crashed in your room," Chris finishes wryly, and Darren tucks his face into Chris's neck as he starts to laugh.

"Came on my face, crashed in my room, same thing," Darren says, stroking his fingers through the short hair at Chris's temple. Darren's going to put him to sleep if he keeps it up, and they only have an hour at most, and--

"Whoa," Darren says. "That is the biggest yawn I have ever seen outside of a nature documentary on big cats. Your jaw cracked, man."

"Did not," Chris says, but it totally did. It hurt a little.

"C'mon," Darren says, tugging at his arm. "We can nap for a little while."

"But my coffee," Chris says, making halfhearted grabby hands at the bedside table.

"We'll microwave it when you get up," Darren says, throwing an arm and leg around him and basically force-cuddling Chris into the mattress.

"Heathen," Chris tells the top of Darren's head as Darren settles in against his chest, but he sighs and sets an alarm on his phone for 45 minutes anyway, because Darren's warm and Chris's eyes are heavy and he's pretty sure that if he asks nicely he can convince Darren to go get him fresh coffee _and_ a bagel when they wake up.

  



End file.
